Giuseppe: DSI's premier High School Team

Relationship Advice, or Why I Still Read Spam

This morning, I received an email from write19let701726@aol.com:
Hello kit…

I’m not positive if I am even going to pass you this e-mail, however I have to write it or Ill go insane….I dont understand how else to write this… I have a crush on you. been fantasising about you non stop and I am afraid to share my feelings to you…you will know why if you knew who this was. I might regret this another day, however I think I should to tell you now. I posted a secret blog entry for you …here it is
secret blog for kit
I truely believe Im not making a horrible mistake however after planning this I know I have to click Send

Yes, it’s spam, but it still holds a couple of important lessons, namely:
1) Robots think I’m totally hot, and
2) Labeling a relationship invites action.

There’s a reason why spammers and telemarketers try to make a personal connection when they annoy us; people naturally want to be liked, and the salesmen of the world are only too happy to provide their undivided friendship for the couple of minutes it will take to get us to reciprocate (with our wallets).

I knew that the above email was spam before I opened it, and then I double knew it was spam after reading it… and I still wanted to click on the link. Not because I’m just that gullible (although my picture is next to the word in this online dictionary); it’s just that I wanted to know how far this spam would take its game.

I naturally wanted to Yes-And spam so it could heighten its game.

That is what naming the relationship will do for your scene. So often, I say, “Name each other,” and you go, “This is fun… Steve.” But ‘Steve’ is not a name in that situation because you don’t BELIEVE that the character’s name is Steve; you just said it so I’d shut up.

But watch any scene where the first line ends with a relationship tag:
“I need to talk to you.”
becomes
“I need to talk to you, Mom.”
“I need to talk to you, Uncle Peter.”
“I need to talk to you, Miss Babysitter Lady.”
“I need to talk to you, Andrea, the woman I’ve been married to for ten years as of today.”
Suddenly the bland sentence of “I need to talk to you” becomes a serious offer with characters and motivations attached. You hear “I need to talk to you” from your scene partner, and you go, “Ah, crap! How do I Yes-And that?” But you get the relationship tag, and now you get to respond AS that person, be it Mom, Uncle Peter or Miss Babysitter Lady.

Now, yes, the Andrea one above is ridiculously wordy and awkward, and purposefully so. Because you won’t always be able to just tack on the relationship tag to the end of the sentence, just like you couldn’t blatantly label your relationship like that to your 10-year spouse in real life (true story**).

That’s why we practice labeling relationships; it’s so that, eventually, it will flow out naturally:
“Andrea, I know today’s our 10-year anniversary, but I need to talk to you.”

Imagine that as your initiation. Immediately sets the scene fast and the stakes high, and allows your scene partner to put on his/her married-to-you Andrea-face right away.

THOUGHT TO TEST OUT:
The next time you’re in a scene –heck, the next 20 times– give your scene partner a full name. And not just ‘Steve Jackson’; nobody interesting is named Steve Jackson. Make that name flamboyant or scary or mythic or foreign.

• BARON VON WILCESTER
• DR GRAHAM PARKINSON
• MAYBELLE LOU-ELLEN CHERRYTHORN
• DETECTIVE JACK ORLANDO
• LORD DIVINICLOS
• COMRADE PYOTR HORGENOVICH

And once your scene partner has a name, think, “Who is Lord Diviniclos to me? Is he my boss? My dark god? My super-nemesis? Are we dating?” And then be that person to your scene partner.

Again, I say, BELIEVE IT, AND IT WILL BE TRUE. Seriously.

**Not a true story.